So Lonesome I Could Die

Not as desperate as whatever comes to your mind.

The world of single unaccompanied people are filled with stories that is rather consoling their dying hearts. Story about the soulmate, created in pairs or The One. Stories made in midst of their desperation, excuse me, loneliness.

I am no expert but I am one of those people living with those stories. Fortunately, someone who holds the philosophy of "Lie until that lie becomes a truth."

All these stories are magical. The right time, right person, right moment. Happy endings.

There are happy ending. Like the one they sold tickets for. You might say it sounds fake. It's not. But it does sound fake because it captured the little moment in the whole life which highlight the happiness and completely outcast the sadness. And if conflict ever appear, it would just be the one where mistake that turns everything  in its best way.

It doesn't show the time before all the action takes place. It doesn't show the wrong ones. It doesn't show the lonely nights.

Lonely nights.

Where you are missing those specific person you don't even know the name or even the looks. That person dear to our hearts, essential to our soul and saturated in our bones. Someone that body and soul are aching to meet. Someone that could made you crazy enough to curse on nature for delaying your encounter. For not Letting you get a hold of them to ease the pain of miss and fill the empty heart. For leaving just you and the darkness of the night.

People say shit about flying solo. Truth is, flying solo isn't nice. Sometimes it feels so nice to have someone to help you navigate and go on. 

Someone that is completely completing you. 

Don't you ever thought of it? To have them. By your side. Wouldn't it be great? It would be great but what if that person is a long way from you? Too far in time. 

What would you do in the mean time?

Passing time with the wrong ones. Passing time and trying to handle everything by yourself. Passing time and telling yourself you can do this. Passing time and consoling yourself.

Passing time.

Passing time without the person that would complete your life.

Wish is only a wish. Something out of reach that is expected to be real which rarely, RARELY, occur. Such as wishing to be with them instantly.

They said best takes time. Maybe it's true. Just make sure to wait patiently and not settle down with anything less because best is waiting. 

Wait like a winer waiting for his wine to be at its best. Cheese-makers waiting for their cheese to be at its best. Even food that indulge our sense takes time. The best person would indulge us forevermore and it takes time.

Takes lots of lonely night.

Make sure the loneliness could only make you die metaphorically and your heart is strong enough for the emptiness. If it's at its edge.... No, quite hard to suggest find a filler for the meantime. Filler isn't nice. It has a chance of giving you more distance from that person or giving you the worst thing you could ever get; a broken-hearted. And it's not nice. At all. Agonizing and terrifying. More agonizing than an ulcer on your gum rubbed  by the food while you eat, more terrifying than the ghost in your paranoid imagination. 

Tough choice. 

The loneliness could push to the edge where the thought of filler becomes reasonable. 

Good luck on making your mind. I haven't. And I'm hungry. Which explains the food involvement in this midnight rants.

More to the hunger, lonely. Just to rub it in.

So lonesome I could die.